With Claire Silvers in association with SureStart Q. My 14-year-old son has very little confidence. It seems lately that everything he tries to do is wrong, he is constantly giving himself a hard time and seems to always be worrying about what his friends think of him, about school and about how he looks. How can I help him build his confidence back up? A. Adolescence can be a difficult and trying time for some teenagers, and can often result in constant worrying, fretting and periods of self doubt and unhappiness. This can be very hard for parents to watch as they witness their child go through some pretty rough times, and most feel powerless to help them ease their pains. Most teenagers do go through some times of stress and anxiety as they learn to cope with all the huge changes that are happening to them, physically, emotionally, socially and educationally. These can lead to dramatic changes in characters and personalities, and losing all confidence and self esteem is a very common reaction for most teenagers. Try to always make plenty of time for your son and offer him lots of space and opportunities for him to openly discuss what may be going on with him. Don't get upset if he chooses not to open up to you, many teenage lads don't but at least he will know that you are there for him if he needs you. Be as encouraging and supportive as possible without the overkill. Pass comments on the little things he does well and constantly remind him of all his good qualities and skills. During these sensitive periods your son needs lots of encouragement, support and positive mental attitude. Try not to offer too much pampering or sympathy, be upbeat and optimistic, remind him that things will get better and he needs to learn to believe in himself. Check with his teachers that he is not struggling at school or ask if they have noticed a change in his behaviour, just to rule out any other issues that may be concerning him. Perhaps your son would benefit from taking up a new hobby or activity which may help to boost his confidence or self esteem. Not only do they get to meet new friends, but they also get the benefits of increasing their activity levels and natural mood lifting hormones. They also can get an amazing sense of achievement through being good at one thing. Why not check out what sports are in your area? This can be a trying and difficult time for all but don't be tempted to go in and try to fix everything for him. Your son is growing up and needs to learn to resolve his own problems through experience. Your role is to be there to support and encourage him as much as possible but to inspire his confidence to resolve these issues himself, which he will get a great sense of achievement from doing so. Next Week's Question: We have two children, our daughter who is eight and our son who is six. He is a bright, clever boy but he is very unreasonable, irrational and stubborn at home, fine and well behaved at school. He is very difficult about what he eats, what clothes he wants to wear, what time he goes to bed. We are finding his behaviour very difficult to cope with and he constantly creates arguments between us, yet our daughter is well behaved and causes no difficulties. How can we cope with our son's constant demands and behaviour? Claire is a mum-of-two lively youngsters and our expert with the commonsense answers. She can help solve your family problems - great or small - with guidelines on how to cope. Write to her (personal details confidential) at Family Agonies, Features Desk, Evening Gazette, Borough Road, Middlesbrough, TS1 3AZ. Or email features@eveninggazette.co.uk | 
